A problem shared...

This was very difficult to write, however if it helps other mums it will be worth it...

Recently I gave birth to my third little daughter, a bundle of cuteness and joy- it wasn't a straight forward birth as an attempted vbac ended in an emergency section- disappointing but necessary. Recovery was slow and painful but I had plenty of emotional and practical support from a lovely husband and lot of practical support with my two older girls from my family - all fine and dandy you would have thought! I was not prepared for what happened next.

The weeks following the birth were a blur of establishing breastfeeding, trying to balance the needs of my older two giving enough attention and refereeing their squabbles and if lucky sleeping when the opportunity arose. I didn't really notice my mood going down, I knew that I didn't feel happy- on paper I should have been on top of the world, a lovely family, a squidgy new baby to nuture, a business that I love, but I just didn't feel like myself- a dark cloud had descended and dimmed the sunshine in my life!

I felt inadequate in all aspects of my life- I was a terrible mother, wife , business partner -they would be better off without me. With my family I was constantly grumpy and had very little patience for sibling squabbles and all the things I would normally take in my stride. Comfort eating was a problem, I was living for the next chocolate fix . To the outside world I was able to appear normal but inside I was constantly anxious with an ongoing feeling of sadness and dread, even a small trip to the shop seemed like a mountain to climb.

I knew I couldn't go on like this, it wasn't fair on anyone, I just wanted it to stop, to be normal again. A trip to the GP was reassuring in that they told me that how I was feeling is so common, officially around 1 in 5 mums get post-natal depression but probably there are far more undiagnosed cases as that statistic doesn't include those mums suffering who do not turn to their doctor for help. It was good to know that I wasn't a freak or a terrible mother but with the help of some anti- depressants, making sure to create some time for myself, improving diet and exercising I would soon be back to my usual self.

The road to recovery will take a while, it is still early days but the world is definitely a brighter place again. Depression is a lonely illness, you can't physically see it but inside you feel broken. My hope is that if more people talk about their illness there will be much more awareness and understanding from society as a whole.

Mental health needs a great deal of attention. It's the final taboo and it needs to be faced and dealt with. Adam Ant